We all like a good film poster. I wonderful, hype-building piece of design that’s tantilising but not in your face, simple but not void of information. The best posters can be anything from the simplicity of Jurassic Parks to the the old school Hitchcock style designs. But the worst, my my my, the worst can be truly horrific. In no particular order, here are ten of the worst…
It may be the most obvious candidate but it’s also one of the best examples of how a poster can kill a film off before it’s even released. That claw-like hand of Nicolas Cage’s appears to be clutching an invisible gun while his other hand is sucked into a blackhole located in his right armpit. It’s very obviously an awful photoshop job but even more worrying is that at some point in time, somebody out there, somebody with a brain in their head, thought this was good enough to be seen in public.
Posters are meant to sell films by giving people an idea of what the film is about and a look at the stars. Here we have a film called Venus and a very confused looking Peter O’Toole. What is the film about? I can only assume his necktie is in fact an alien and the film tells the adventures of crazy old Pete as the alien takes him back to the home world.
Burt Reynolds is awesome. But I know he loves the ladies and I find it very hard to believe that he stopped which this poster is implying. There’s some text at the top that might explain it but the credits at the bottom are in a bigger font so why the heck would anyone bother reading that?
At first glance this is a perfectly acceptable poster. She is pretty, there will be Abba and there will be a fine ensemble cast. But then I tell you to look at the size of her neck… go on, look at it.
It scares me too.
Suited movie exec: What’s scary?
Knowing film person: Eyes can be scary.
Suit: I think you’re wrong, what about screaming?
Film Person: Screaming doesn’t really worky in a visual medium.
Suit: I think you’ll find I’m the one wearing a tie here, I make the decisions. Replace her eyes with screaming mouths and watch this film make BILLIONS!
Well to be perfectly honest this poster is awesome. But it’s definitely awesome in its awfulness. Geroge Scott (who I thought was Michael Douglas upon first look) looks like a melted wellington boot. I must see this film.
What makes you want to see a film more than three bored actors looking down at you? They’re looking down at you because you’re not as beautiful as them by the way, if that already wasn’t clear. OOH IT’S ON AT THE IMAX!!!
Slumdog Millionaire is a brilliant, brilliant film but Jesus Horatio Christ this poster is bad. Bright colours all over the place make it look like it should be in a night club and the two at-the-time unknown actors are seen in shadow and running for some reason. Why is she running? Why is he in shadow? Well you’ll just have to go buy the DVD.
Why does Arnie have to be drawn in this? Why do his hands have to glow? Why does his forehead have to be the size of his abs? Why does his torso look like it was half-heartidly carved from a dead cow? The poster even cuts out the most important part of the whole film, he’s Hercules but he’s Hercules IN NEW YORK! Wow…